Lessons learnt: A 14-year-old girl committed suicide yesterday

I was saddened by the news in today’s newspaper that a 14-year-old local Hong Kong Chinese girl hung herself in her bedroom at home in Tsim Sha Tsui after a dispute with her parents.  It was reported that the parents objected to their daughter to having a close relationship with her boyfriend because of her young age.  However, to this girl, having a relationship was the most important thing.  After hearing the parent’s objection, the girl returned to her bedroom and hung herself.  The parents discovered later in the evening at 6pm when they knocked on the door and there was no reply.

 Two immediate contradictory thoughts came to mind: (1) is there anything wrong with the 14-year old?  Surely the parents’ stance is justified.  (2) What the parents could have done to prevent this?  I think many people would almost have a reflex action and jump to conclusion of putting blames on the new generation, whose generational values are known to be the “i-generation”, characterized by high self-centeredness.  However, being a clinical psychology student now, I realize I am more attuned to the second question of seeking prevention.  I have a vast interest in positive psychology since I first exposed to the concept in my advanced psychopathology class with Dr Wedding. 

I had a quick search on the Internet and happily found that there are quite a lot of material on positive psychology and suicide.  Love and humility works well for depression. Often times, persons who are depressed and eventually commit suicide speak of feeling of being alone in the world. They feel that if one person would have cared for them they would not have done this. Many times a person’s family is not able to lend out emotional support for their depressed relative.  This may well be the case for this 14-year-old girl.  What the parents could have done is to provide I nurturance, reciprocal attachment and kindness.

What I would like to share here is some tips with parents or we as adults that I learnt from the Internet to apply positive psychology to talk to unhappy youths or young adults.  I have used the “three good things” for a while myself, and have told my undergraduate students to do the same when they are down.  I find it pretty effective.

 

•Gratitude Exercise: The youth is told to think of someone who has been good to them or influential in a positive way. This may be a parent, friend, teacher, or coach, anyone who comes to mind as being a positive influence. The youth is then told to write this person a letter, expressing thanks and gratitude, being sure to include what this meant and how the youth feels. This exercise is most meaningful if the letter can be read to the intended recipient in person.

 •Appreciation: This is another form of the gratitude exercise. At the end of the day, we can ask a child to identify something occurring that day for which he or she is appreciative. Anything, no matter how large or small, can be appreciated.

 •Three Good Things: In this exercise, the youth is asked, to name three good things that occurred that day. We should not accept a response of "nothing good happened," instead encouraging the child to focus on even little events that are good, such as a sunny day, a good dinner, or play with a friend.

I should continue to learn more about positive psychology and depression / suicide.  Hopefully I can develop a set of instruments of positive psychotherapy to help parents and teachers to apply at school or at home.  Or even develop a tool kit for youths and young adults for them to extend peer / social support.